Category Archives: my son

Mama Bear Love

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“That brings out the mama bear in me,” a friend exclaimed!

Parental love is scary strong. Love hits a new parent like a tidal wave. It’s often said that becoming a parent is like having your heart walking around outside your body. Such fierce love struggles with children growing up in a world filled with danger, evil, and pain.

Parents decide to take control and guarantee their child’s safety. An impossible task. Knowing our children have free will to make bad choices adds to our fear. Even when our children are grown, we still want their safety, well-being, and happiness.

Once a parent, always a parent.

Our twenty-four year old son described a health issue he had but that he had no plans to see a doctor. I was sleepless as I imagined him headed to an early grave because of his choice to ignore the problem.

The next morning, reading about Abraham, Sarah and Hagar in Genesis 21,

I found hope.

God promised Abraham and Sarah a son, though past childbearing years. Sarah offered her servant, Hagar, to Abraham so he could have a son by her, planning to raise him as Abraham’s heir. Hagar had a son but a few years later, God fulfilled His promise and by a miracle, Sarah also had a son, the intended heir. When conflict arose between the two sons, Sarah insisted Abraham get rid of Hagar and Ishmael. So, Abraham (with God’s blessing) gave them water and bread and sent them into the wilderness.

Hagar went as far as she could, until the water ran out. “Then she went and sat down opposite him a good way off, about the distance of a bowshot, for she said, ‘Let me not look on the death of the child.’ And as she sat opposite of him, she lifted up her voice and wept.” Genesis 21:16

I feel her pain. She’s done all she can. She’s convinced her son will die. How does a mom watch her son die of thirst?

But… “And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, ‘What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation.’” Genesis 21:17-18

“Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water.” Genesis 21:19

Why did Abraham agree to send Hagar and their son into the wilderness? Unbeknownst to Hagar, God had already given Abraham a promise. “And I will make a nation of the son of the slave woman also, because he is your offspring.” Genesis 21:13

Before Hagar entered the wilderness, before she ran out of water, before she collapsed in pain and sorrow, expecting her son to die, God knew what would happen and had planned to make a nation from Ishmael. God had a plan Hagar didn’t know about. Then, He opened her eyes.

As a mom, I can think like Hagar: because of this obstacle, my son will die. But God is sovereign. He’s the one who knows what the future holds and He holds each of us in His hands.

I can trust Him.

I can pray.

God hears my prayers as He heard Ishmael (v. 17). I pray for our son and I give him advice when he wants it, but God already knows what will happen. He already has it covered. He had a plan for Ishmael from the beginning and He has a plan for our son.

I don’t have a guarantee bad things won’t happen to our son. Trusting God doesn’t mean everything will work out as I want or that our son will live to be a hundred years old. It means God already knows the future and He’s already there.

I can trust God no matter what.

Father, thank you that you knew the day you placed our son in our arms how his whole life would play out. You knew from the day he was born every obstacle he would face, each weakness, and each choice he would make. I know he belongs to you and you hold him in your hands. Thank you dear Father! I know I can trust him to you.

Already There      by Casting Crowns says it so well.

 

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Trying to Hold on to Mist

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Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:14

I was recently reflecting on the fact our 22-year-old son moved into his own apartment. It’s such a bittersweet time. It’s not like when he went to college and still came “home” on weekends. This is no longer his primary home. He moved everything.

Bitter – because he won’t be here everyday, he won’t be sleeping here anymore and this is a turning point. Bitter – because it’s a time of saying goodbye to what was and it’s the start of a new chapter.

Sweet – because it’s right that he move out and live his own life. It’s time. Sweet – because now we’ll start a new chapter as empty nesters and all that means and he’ll enjoy the independence of living as an adult.

Life is so fleeting. I find myself wanting to hold onto relationships, places, and things. I start wishing I could stop change and keep this moment. I want to hold back illness or pain or estrangement. There are so many moments in life, I’d like to hold suspended in time, but they slip through my fingers. Like a mist, they’re gone. I can’t stop the change. I can’t hold on. The best moment will pass again and again. Change is frightening. To let go of what is comfortable and secure, what is known is hard. If only I could see the other side, that only through change do I find growth and that there can be new levels of happiness. It isn’t easy to learn that pain is an important part of life. The changes will come whether I want them to or not. It’s a spiritual paradox that only by letting go can I hold on. There are many precious moments we had with our son that are gone. I can keep them in my heart and be thankful I had them but I can’t live there. I need to live in this moment and find the gold God has for me here. If I’m always looking back to moments that are past, I might miss the one God has for me right now.

Truly my soul silently waits for God; From Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved…He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.” Psalm 62:1-2,6

As I read this scripture, “He only is my rock and my salvation,” I realize I am ok because God is the only one who is my rock. Not my son, not my husband and not any person, place or possession. My Rock never moves and is unchanging. He’s always there. Because He’s strong, I will not be moved, meaning to me that I will not fall; I will not be steered off course because of any event in my life. My God is the Rock who always keeps me secure.

Thank you Lord! Thank you that I can rejoice at all times knowing you are my strength and shield. I love you! Thank you for the special moments you give me each day. Thank you for our son. May His journey be blessed. May He always look to you for guidance.

Is there a moment you are tying to hold onto? What if God wants to give you something even better?

This article was published first on Internet Cafe Devotions:

http://internetcafedevotions.com/2015/02/trying-to-hold-on-to-mist/

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Filed under Devotional, Eternity, Faith, family, God, hope, inspirational, Jesus, life, my son, peace, personal, relationships, struggles

“I Prayed for This Child”

     One year from the day that I wrote “A Child”, God placed a newborn baby boy in my arms!(at the age of 39) How marvelous are His gifts! As Hannah said in I Samuel, “My heart rejoices in the Lord.” I am so thankful on this Mother’s Day for our son. He now lives on his own and I praise God as I remember this answered prayer. I am so proud of the man he has become.

 

 

A CHILD

 

Someone to hold.

 

Someone to love.

 

Someone to share in laughter and fun.

 

I want to teach you about…

 

butterflies,

 

biscuits,

 

and rain.

 

I want to show you the land of wishes come true.

 

I want to see you laugh

 

and hear you cry.

 

I want to help you know the wonder of discovery,

 

to help you grow and eventually to grow away but

 

knowing you go mature, strong and free.

 

 

What you look like…doesn’t matter.

 

What you do…that’s up to you.

 

What you are…that’s what matters.

 

That you know how to love,

 

how to laugh,

 

how to cry and

 

how to dance.

 

That you get angry, happy and joyful.

 

That you know who you are

 

and like what you see.

 

 “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” I Samuel 1:27

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Filed under Butterflies Biscuits and Rain, Faith, family, God, my son, personal, prayer, Thankfulness

An Empty Room – A Solid Rock

Truly my soul silently waits for God; From Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved…He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.” Psalm 62:1-2,6

I love Psalm 62! “My soul silently waits for God”…just waiting to hear from Him, feeling His love, soaking in His presence and grace. “From Him comes my salvation.” He ONLY is my rock – I will not be moved. My expectation is from Him. (v.5)

I have been reflecting on the fact our 21-year-old son just moved into his own apartment. It is such a bittersweet time. It is not like when he went to college for a year and still came “home” on weekends. This is no longer his primary home. He moved everything. Bitter – because he won’t be here everyday, he won’t be sleeping here anymore and this is a turning point. A time of saying goodbye to what was and the start of a new chapter. Sweet – because it is right that he move out and live his own life. It is time. Sweet because now we will start a new chapter as empty nesters and all that means and he will enjoy the independence of living as an adult. As I re-read this scripture, “He only is my rock and my salvation,” I realized I am ok because God is the only one who is my rock. Not my son, not my husband and not any other person. My Rock never moves, never changes. He is always there. Because He is strong, I will not be moved, meaning to me that I will not fall; I will not be steered off course because of any event in my life. My God is the Rock who always keeps me secure.

Thank you Lord! Thank you that I can rejoice at all times knowing you are my strength and shield. I love you! Thank you for our son. May His journey be blessed. May He always look to you for guidance.

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I Am So Amazingly Blessed!

To know that I belong to Jesus Christ.

To know that God chose me before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight.

To know that I am adopted into His family and nothing or no one can take me away from Him.

To know that I am redeemed from my sin and rescued from hell.

To know that Jesus took my sin and gave me His righteousness. I am a new creation. His Spirit lives in me.

To know He has forgiven every sin I ever have and ever will commit.

To know I am loved. I am loved exactly as I am. He knows everything about me, every thought, every motive, and every secret thing and yet He still loves me and always will.

If only I had the words to express thanks for a love like that. All that alone would be overwhelming blessing.

But along with such spiritual blessings, God has blessed me with:

An amazing husband who loves me and supports me even when I am not very lovable.

A wonderful son who has grown into a man I am proud of and who is not afraid to tell me how much he loves me.

Family members I love and who love me. Whom I can count on. Who would be there for me any time I need it

Phenomenal friends, who love me, care about me, pray for me, inspire me and support me. Friends who believe the best about me. And God keeps adding to them!

A church that I am so excited to be a part of! A church where the truth is taught, where we are encouraged to give to and serve others, a church where I can worship God in unity with others.

A job that helps provide yet gives me freedom to do things I need to do. A job with variety that allows me to be a part of the lives of children and young people.

God’s Holy Word! His word that plants truth into my heart and mind. His word that gives comfort, encouragement, correction, conviction when needed, wisdom, strength and power to resist the enemy. His word is an incredible gift. A priceless gift.

Prayer! Another priceless gift. To be able to talk to the Creator of the universe! To be able to come to a Holy, Perfect, All-powerful God and talk to Him without an appointment, anytime, anywhere! Wow! That is unbelievable!  He is unbelievable! I love Him so much!

Father,  Thank you for your unspeakable gifts! I am blessed beyond measure. I really feel speechless when I truly think about what you have done for me and what you have given me. Every. Single. Thing. In my life and about me is a gift from you. Grace. Thank you for your amazing grace. If only I had the words. Please look into my heart and know how grateful I am. I love you Father.

Revelation 5:9; Ephesians 1:3-14; I Peter 1:18-19; John 3:16-18;  John 5:24; Romans 4:7-8;  2 Corinthians 5:17,21; Psalm 139; Psalm 103:12; Jeremiah 3:13; Hebrews 4:12-13, 16; 2 Timothy 3:16; I Corinthians 6:19-20; Philippians 4:6; Ephesians 6:18-19; Colossians 4:2; Hebrews 10:24-25; James 1:16-17

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Filed under Bible, Christianity, church, Faith, family, forgiveness, God, Grace, Jesus, my husband, my son, personal, prayer, relationships, salvation, Thankfulness

Trusting the Potter

Therefore, God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.” Romans 9:18

     Paul is emphasizing the sovereignty of God in all things. He gives mercy and sometimes He hardens and He in His sovereign wisdom has a purpose in all things that will display His power and proclaim His name. He is God. He created all things. He chose to show mercy and grace when He sent Jesus. Doesn’t He have the right to do what He wants? (v. 21) My part is to trust His goodness and mercy. He is God. Who am I to question Him? (v. 20-21) He has the right and the power to do whatever He wants. Any grace or mercy He has shown me (and it is much) is totally undeserved. We are at the mercy of God. We are powerless before Him. (v. 16)

LORD God Almighty, I know you are God of all! You are sovereign. You hold everything in your hands. Every good gift is from you and comes from grace. There is nothing I have done or could do that would earn your favor. Any mercy shown to me is unearned. I am so grateful you chose to show me mercy, to love me in spite of my willful sin. I want to submit to your sovereignty. Please help me LORD God, help me trust our son to your hands.  You thought of him, you created him, you knit him together in his mother’s womb, you placed him in our arms – a total gift of grace. You allowed him to be taught the truth from the time he was a baby. I ask for your mercy LORD God. I ask that you in your mercy you would draw him to truth but I trust in your sovereign plan and ask that your purpose be fulfilled in me, in him, in our family, and in this world. Thank you Father. I am so grateful to know your love.

Romans 9:14-24

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Trust God’s Timing

“Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them but they did not.” Acts 7:25

Stephen, who is about to be stoned, gives a speech outlining the history of the Israelites. In telling about when Moses killed the Egyptian in defense of his people, we see that Moses felt the call to deliver his people when he was still in Pharoah’s palace. Yet it would be 40 years before God used him. He felt the call but his timing was different from God’s timing and he became an exile. By the time God was ready to use him, Moses had given up on the call. Moses was in his prime, in a powerful position and ready yet God waited until he was 80 years old, a nobody, an exile and living in the desert to say, “It is time”. God’s timing was different from the timing of Moses.

I have often felt I know God’s will in something yet when it didn’t happen in my time, I doubted. Moses took action in his way and his time and had to run for his life. By the time God was ready to use him, Moses no longer believed he could do it. He now saw himself as weak. The first time, he trusted in his own strength and failed. The second time he trusted completely on God’s strength and succeeded. When God calls me to do something, it is not about me. It is all about Him and trusting in His power. I had a dream for a child but it did not happen and the door seemed closed. We tried manipulating things to make it happen. The door stayed closed. Then God, in His time, gave us an unexpected miracle. In His time, in His way, a chance to adopt. We had not even thought about adopting and we were parents in less than 24 hours. I thought I should be a mom at age 30 after I married and I was 39 when I became a mom. I thought I should give birth but God had a better plan for me.

Thank you Father! Thank you for your timing! Your ways are better than my ways. Help me trust your timing and help me not to give up on what you have called me to do. It will always happen in your time. Praise your Holy name!

 

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